March 2009
54 posts
Today, I asked my boyfriend of almost ten months who his top five women to have sex with would be. I was third. My mom was second. FML……. what a pimp
Today, while lying in bed with my girlfriend and she was grabbing the fat on my stomach I said to her “stop touching my fat”. She replied “so don’t touch you at all?” FML
1000awesomethings →
slackr:
hunsonisgroovy:
emilykuenzi:
This guy blogs about awesome things. Starting now I am going to post about my own favorite awesome things.
Today, I was entered into an online contest where they announce your name on the radio and if you call in within an hour they pay your bills for you. I’m unemployed, so I got really excited when they announced my name. My call wouldn’t go through - I hadn’t paid my phone bill and the line was disconnected. FML
uncrate:
Tesla Model S
We’ve never wanted a car so badly. The just-unveiled Tesla Model S ($50,000 after tax breaks) is literally the reinvention of the automobile. This electric sedan will offer a 300-mile… Visit Uncrate for the full post.
Today, this girl and I were chilling in my apartment and things got heated up and we started making out. One thing lead to another and the next thing I knew she was giving me head. I was getting ready to bust when she stopped, looked up into my eyes and said “Do you believe in Jesus?” FML
Today, I repaired a boiler for a wealthy guy in a big house. While there, I fixed a leaking tap for free. When I went to go, the man slipped something into my shirt pocket and said “have a drink on me.” When I got to my truck, I discovered that he’d given me a tea bag. FML
LOST SUCKS
YES IT DOES, THATS WHY I HATE IT
Today, I was sitting at home when I remembered that I desperately needed gas for my car. On my way there, I prayed that my car would make it the whole way, and was thankful when I pulled up to the pump, because I knew my car wouldn’t go any further. Then I realized I left my wallet at my house. FML
Today, I was on a third date with a girl. Things had been going really well. At one point, the conversation lulled. After a moment of silence, she asked me what my greatest fantasy was. I told her that it was being a superhero. She told me that she meant sexual fantasy. I’m 25. FML
Today, I was setting up my laptop’s fingerprint scanner. It worked, but in the name of science, I decided to put my penis on it to see if it could recognize it. When I was trying to login via my penis print, my mom walked in. FML
Watchyou cant get this shit on united airlines
kilobyte:
Rapping Flight Attendant. Ossim.
Watchthis is so awesome
kilobyte:
37 Worldwide Musicians Unite to Create One Unified Track! Playing for change! Making a difference/connecting the world through music! Watch it it’s truly amazing…the guys are singing/playing the song together, from various locations…all over the world! A message for peace and world unity! :) ;)
Today, I was running to my car, slipped, and slammed my head on the car door. I started driving to the hospital because it was bleeding profusely and I was dizzy, I called my mom to tell her what had happened. She said I was grounded for “goofing off” and that she was “sick of my shit”. FML
LOL 24
slackr:
pile:
This show us as good as ever. Tonight Jack showed actual emotion and trusted somone for the first time. 5 seconds later an assassin killed him. Then Jack flipped the assassin with a tractor and stabbed him with a screwdriver.
Today, I was walking down the street and noticed a man in ripped clothes with a cup out asking for money. I was on my way to the movies but I felt like this man needed it more that me. Right as I gave it to him, he pulled out his blackberry. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me head while I was watching Star Trek and I accidentally called her Spock. FML
Today, I got a text message. My phone was sitting on the edge of the bed and set on vibrate, so it fell off. I reached down to grab my phone and fell off the bed. My macbook landed on top of me. I fractured my arm and broke my laptop to read a text from facebook. FML
Mike Rowe: Celebrating work -- all kinds of work →
slackr:
pile:
If you can handle the opening story, this is a great talk.
Upset With $350 Electrical Bill, Man Pays In... →
larrychi:
“It took two men with two large duffel bags transport them to the billing counter, and took Bristol Virginia Utilities two hours just to count up to $26.”
My kind of rebels.
Stop Wasting your Money on these 25 Things →
(via slackr)
Google PowerMeter Keeps You Lean and Green →
Today, I woke up in the hospital after trying to kill myself. When my mom walked in to see me, the first thing she said was, “well, I guess this is just another thing that you fail at.” The nurse laughed. FML
Today, I walked into the kitchen and accidentally broke my mother’s vase. I said, “Accidents happen.” She replied, “Yeah, like your birth.” FML
http://www.apple.com/trailers/paramount/startrek/ i just watched trailer 3 times OMFG
Today, I dropped my keys. Not wanting to lean over and pick them up, I pointed at them and said “Accio.” Then I realized I had tried to use a Harry Potter spell in real life and in public. FML
uncrate:
Obsidian SG-One Mustang
Like a brand-new PC crammed inside an old TRS-80 body, the Obsidian SG-One Mustang ($1.3 million) is a great mix of old and new. This re-made 1967 Mustang fastback boasts… Visit Uncrate for the full post.
21 guilty pleasures for geeks →
(via slackr)
