What I did with my first unemployment check.
As a totally responsible and mature adult, I did the obvious thing…
I WENT TO VEGAS, BITCH!
Here are the highlights:
- Got wasted and lost $300 at the poker tables on the first night.
- Laid by the pool with a mix of hot young ladies, wrinkly old hags with saggy boobs, and rich fat men. Got myself a nice exotic island boy tan.
- Gourged myself with a bunch of food, including 2 trips to the buffets (Bellagio and Paris). By the way, Earl of Sandwich at Planet Hollywood is f’ing good!
- Lost my lap dance virginity to a skinny red-headed stripper named Amara, courtesy of my buddy Will. My personal tip to you: Don’t wear glasses or they will get smudged when the stripper does the face-in-the-boobs thing!
- Gave my buddies real-time updates from the strip club, via my iPhone, e.g. “Will’s face is in the middle of boobs, RIGHT NOW, as I type this message!” By the way, personal tip from Will: Wear running pants when you go to a strip club.
- Smoked a cigar. Cheap one.
- Got a massage. Cheap one.
- Got shocked by static electricity, like, 8 million times. Is it just me or does it happen to everyone in Vegas?
- Maybe contracted the swine flu. Will and I tried to hold our breath every time we saw Mexicans, but there was one elevator ride with a Mexican mom and her two little Mexican kids that was way too long.
The (spontaenous) trip costed more than the amount of my unemployment check so I had to dig into my own pockets a bit, but whatevs. Thanks, California!
